


Without You Here

by Zeniyx



Series: Angst Filled Graveyard [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, pokemon journeys - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, It's just angst guys, M/M, but it's indirect, oneshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27231991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeniyx/pseuds/Zeniyx
Summary: Ash is gone. Gou is sad. // it's just angst :(
Relationships: Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Series: Angst Filled Graveyard [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988206
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Without You Here

**Author's Note:**

> written for the Satogou Angst Club <3

‘ _this isn’t real, this isn’t real thisisntreal-_ ’ Except it was. Gou has been chanting the same thing in his head as he held a limp body of Ash in his arms. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Gou cursed in his head as he held back tears threatening to spill. It wasn’t supposed to end like this! In his trance of denial, Gou didn’t realize that Leon had come closer to them and is now kneeling at level with Gou and Ash. He had a somber expression plastered on his face but Gou knew better; that the champion was just as miserable as Gou is. Leon looked like he was about to say something but then his eyes landed on Ash and Gou knew that whatever he was trying to say, wasn’t a good one. 

“...He’s gone kid.” Leon reluctantly let out. Gou then felt a sudden flash of fury and protectiveness blazing through him. 

“You don't know that!” Gou shouted back. How could he say that?! Wasn’t Ash like a son to him?? How could Leon, of all people believe that Ash was.. _Ash was gone?_ “You don’t..” 

Shaking his head, Leon sighed. “I know it’s hard for you, kid, it’s hard for me to accept this too but-” 

“HE’S NOT GONE!” Gou all but shouted through the tears that streamed down his face. “I believe in him. He can’t be gone..” Gou looked down at the peaceful look on Ash’s face again and started sobbing as he clenched the brunet in his arms all over again. And just as quickly as those tears came, they disappeared like how Ash’s body was slowly fading out of existence in Gou’s arms.

“Ash! No nonono- please don’t do this to me!” Gou cried out but it was doing nothing to soothe his pain. Leon just watched with sad eyes, averting them as he stifled his own tears. “We were supposed to go back together, remember?” Gou whispered softly. “When you said you wanted everyone to come back alive from this, that means you too dammit!” Gou screamed at Ash’s disintegrating corpse.

———

A silent breeze passed Gou as he walked to the place where he memorized by heart. He laid down the purple lilacs on the cold hard cement; and stood up once more. It didn’t have to end this way, but it did. No matter how you looked at the situation, Ash was always destined to die in some heroic way. And saving Gou from a strayed hyper beam was no exception. 

The breeze picked up again and only then did Gou realize he’d been crying. Smiling, he wiped away his tears and turned to walk away. But before he did, he felt a familiar embrace hugging him from behind. He turned but saw no one there, so he assumed it was the spirit of Ash telling him it wasn’t his fault that he died. Because no matter the situation, he would always put the ones that he cared for the most before himself. Typical Ash. Sighing, Gou smiled one more time at the direction of the purple lilacs and left with a heavy weight lifted off his shoulders.

_8 years later..._

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore..”

“...”

“If I mess up **ANYTHING** , it’ll all be for nothing!”

“...”

“What if they don’t look at me the same anymore when I fail? They’re all I have left..!” 

“...”

Gou sighed and looked back down at the gravestone again. “S-sorry for venting again Ash.. I really haven’t been the same since you’ve left— I mean, yeah I achieved my goal of completing my pokédex, but I did that _without_ you there and it somehow didn't feel right.. I try and act like everything’s fine around the lab, but it gets tiring, you know? Heck, you were really the only person who lit up the gloomy place. You were like the light to my darkness whenever I was frustrated. You were always there for me when I needed you the most.” Gou smiled fondly at the memories; however, that didn’t last long as his smile soon turned into a frown and he began to sob. “...so why didn’t you let me do the same for you..?” 

“...”

As Gou turned to leave, he couldn’t help but feel like he was being watched. He thought nothing of it though and kept going. 

“...Gou, I know you can’t hear me but just know that I will always love you for who you are and what you have accomplished. Even though I’m gone, you’re still thriving and I’m really, really happy for you. So keep thriving and make them proud and show them wrong! I know things ended a bit on the rough side between us when I left.. But just know that no matter how many times you feel the need to vent, I’ll always be right here, listening.”

**Author's Note:**

> taking angst prompts too if you have any! :D


End file.
